Does Depression have an “Upside” ?
The alternative, of course, is that depression has a secret purpose and our medical interventions are making a bad situation even worse. Like a fever that helps the immune system fight off infection — increased body temperature sends white blood cells into overdrive — depression might be an unpleasant yet adaptive response to affliction. Maybe Darwin was right. We suffer — we suffer terribly — but we don’t suffer in vain.
The above is a quote taken from a New York Times article written by Jonah Lehrer. In it, he considers the “worth” of extended depressive episodes – how they may be a form of evolutionary advancement that we are stifling through the use of anti-depressants and therapy.
Naturally, this article has been the subject of much debate throughout the psychiatric and mental health community. Is what Lehrer theorizes true? Is depression something that can be seen as a necessary evil on the road to evolution? read more…
$1, 296.00 AUD raised for OneInFive Australia
8,083 Views of the blog
1,587 Views of “Robert Pattinson and EmsCharityKiss” on YouTube
624 Followers on Twitter
249 Members of the Facebook Cause Page
Countless Inspiring People met
One Very Changed Em
No RPattz ……yet!
Thank you again so much for the overwhelming support you have shown me. This is truly a wonderful cause and the more people learn and talk about depression the better.
We can help shatter the stigma that surrounds mental illness.
During a recent Remember Me press junket, Robert Pattinson was asked about how the characters in the film ‘embrace life’ and what we can learn from that.
I think it’s to show that its sort of ok to have, if you just have one moment of happiness, where you can feel that you’re happy, even if it just lasts for a minute. It’s worth a lot. Because I think people now, everyone does all of these things because they think they should be happy like all the time. Doing therapy, and taking anti-depressants and all of these things. If you’re happy all of the time, it’s difficult to acknowledge when you actually are happy.
Part of me was kind of taken aback by that. I still don’t know how I feel about it. He wouldn’t have meant anything by it at all, and I don’t hold him up to be some sort of perfect mouthpiece for all things. It’s a common enough viewpoint (unfortunately) that what people with depression have is a mere inability to let themselves be happy.
Happiness is intangible, personal and different to each and every person. For some it’s a hug from a loved one. For others it’s a brand new car. Happiness can be intrinsically or extrinsically determined.
But for someone with depression, they aren’t chasing happiness. I don’t take medication to make me happy. I take it to keep me stable and functioning like a normal person. It’s like any other illness that requires medication. Not everyone with depression needs medication, but my ability to cope with day to day life depends on me taking it.
I feel bad for making such a big deal out of this. I don’t expect everyone to be able to understand. I’ve never expected Robert Pattinson to be able to fully understand. I don’t want people to think I’m holding him up as some sort of perfect sentient being who will immediately be able to empathise with what I’ve been through.
It just made me feel a little sad, that’s all. Like the fight that I have daily isn’t important, that it’s merely a quest for some form of happiness.
Depression, mental illness and suicide are very much at the forefront of the news today.
This has just really made me realise that people can think what they like about what I’m doing (re #emscharitykiss) but I firmly believe in it.
You can think that I’m only in it for Robert Pattinson, or attention but if you do believe that I feel for you because you are missing the core of a very important message.
It took a lot to come out and say I had severe depression. It took a lot to say I have anxiety and haven’t followed the same path as other people. It took a lot to admit I haven’t had my first kiss.
But you know what? I did it. I’m still here after something like 10 months, still sharing stories and meeting inspirational people. Those who have triumphed and those who are still crippled by the illness – you’re all an inspiration to me and I am a better person for hearing your stories.
If Rob hears about what I’m doing and is flattered, that would be amazing. I won’t be made to feel guilty for hoping that part of my journey comes true. It’s not the focus, it is part of the journey.
I’ve made a new video blog for EmsCharityKiss addressed to Ellen DeGeneres in the hopes that she may be interested in helping me contact Robert Pattinson.
I’m so nervous about posting it though. It’s been a really long time since I made and posted a video. Whatever little bravado I used to have seems to have evaporated altogether!
I’m also conscious of the fact that I have been so very absent lately, that I’m afraid people have forgotten what I’ve been trying to do, and have moved on. It took so long for EmsCharityKiss to get as far as it did, and I have connected with so many inspirational people. I’m scared that I have lost that connection?
I also have to admit that I am still gun-shy after getting negative reactions last time. Of course I’m going to get negative reactions though – not everyone agrees with what I’m doing, and YouTube isn’t exactly a warm and caring environment at the best of times, is it? But I am scared, not afraid to say so.
The video is uploading now. I think I look horrible, and then I feel guilty that what I look like is what I focus on when I’m trying to do something important. Do you ever have that feeling? Like you would be ashamed if anyone knew that you were so preoccupied with something so superficial. Well, there’s me being brutally honest!
I don’t know if you remember, but a few weeks ago I posted a blog entry called “Things I Need To Remember Not To Forget”
One of the last points on that list was a note to remember
That at the heart of my project is a young woman who needs to take care of herself too
It turns out that I wasn’t very good at remembering that part. I have been neglecting myself – not eating right, hardly sleeping, not taking my medication consistently. I’ve been up and down and all over the place. EmsCharityKiss was supposed to be something positive – yes I wanted to share my experiences with depression and they are anything but pretty to be honest. But at the same time, this wasn’t supposed to turn into a situation where you had to witness me letting go and drowning in it. That was what was threatening to happen.
I’m not very good at asking for help (I tend to keep things to myself) but for anyone who is out there following EmsCharityKiss can you please help me now? It’s simple really.
Please don’t think this is me giving up. I’m not giving up, it’s such a personal thing and I truly believe in what I’m doing. But I need to take care of myself too. This isn’t me letting go, it’s me saying this will be A FOCUS but not THE FOCUS. It was affecting me in negative ways because I was totally consumed by it.
Please don’t forget me, or EmsCharityKiss or about trying to contact Robert Pattinson. I’ve been terrified that if I lift my foot from the gas pedal for even a moment people will forget all about me, and what I’ve tried to do. I’m still deathly afraid that people will take this to mean show’s over, and will forget all about it. I still want to raise money and awareness. I still want Robert Pattinson to know what I’ve been trying to do. But people keep saying that this needs patience, and that good things come to those who wait.
This isn’t over. EmsCharityKiss isn’t over. I just need to start taking care of myself better, so if I’m not in anyone’s face all the time it’s just because I’m trying to find a balance.
I’m going to keep posting, keep spreading the word. I’m in tears writing this and I don’t even know why, because I’m not giving up I’m just admitting that maybe it’s all abit much for me at the moment?
So, I managed to do the very thing I’ve been trying so hard not to.
I thought about quitting when it got too hard.
A couple of weeks ago I had someone question what I was doing. That’s fair enough – there are a lot of people who haven’t agreed with it, and there’s always going to be more. But this person seemed to be critical of me as a person, and I wasn’t so prepared for that. I was so full of bravado thinking I could take on criticism of the project only to completely crumble when someone criticised me.
Because of how I feel about myself, whenever someone questions / criticises me I tend to start second guessing myself. I’m not one of those who are unapologetically themselves; the ones who say “This is me, like it or lump it.” I wish I was. It would make things so much easier. Instead, I started thinking “what if this person is right?”
But they’re not right. I know what I’m doing in my heart – I know my intentions are pure and I also know that I have nothing but the utmost respect for both my cause and Robert Pattinson. His participation in this is entirely up to him. He’s part of this whether he does involve himself or not – he was the light that attracted attention to the cause, and I’m grateful for that.
I wish this person hadn’t made me feel bad about myself, but then again I guess they didn’t? It was me, regressing to that part of myself that readily accepts criticism. Why are we so quick to negate ourselves? I’m an important person to the people in my life. I don’t know this person, and she doesn’t know me. So why was I so quick to agree with her when the people in my life were telling me that what she was saying wasn’t true?
I feel so defeated.
“So I have a charity idea.”
“Oh that’s good! What is it?”
“Raising money and awareness for depression.”
“Oh, that’s a good cause! How are you going to do that?”
“Talk about my experiences….and ask Robert Pattinson to give me my first kiss at age 28.”
This is about the time when the conversation can go either way. The person will either break into a smile or break out the pity-party hats. I don’t fault anyone for any response – I’m so very grateful for all the support and kind words, but at the same time I do understand that my project is a bit left-field. And thanks to the Twilight phenomenon, people are wary when you say you’re a fan of Robert Pattinson. You want to kiss him? Join the screaming queue to your left, please.
I know that I can’t possibly make everyone understand what I’m doing and what my intentions are. But despite that I feel like I have to keep explaining myself when the question comes up. I guess it comes from being sensitive – not liking confrontation, wanting to smooth things over and sort things out. I know that in choosing him, I’ve chosen someone so high profile that it is naturally going to come under intense scrutiny.
This may seem like a silly idea, but (despite the negative feelings I have about myself) I know that I am not a silly person.
