A Butterfly Effect
I’ve been thinking a lot about the plight in Haiti. It truly is one of the most devastating disasters of our time.
I haven’t wanted to push EmsCharityKiss as much during this time because I feel that as a global community we have a lot of power to help those in desperate need. Please visit yele.org to learn more about the situation in Haiti in light of the earthquake disaster, and about how you can help.
However, as most world-defining events do, it’s also given me pause and made me thinking about my own circumstances.
One of the worst things you can say to someone who is depressed is “Why are you depressed? There are people much worse off than you in the world.”
Often, this is said by a relative or a friend, who may think that they are ‘doing you a favour’ by ‘giving you some perspective’. But it really only serves to make you feel worse about your own situation. Then the inevitable self-talking starts.
I must be a horrible person.
If that is the way people think, why should I share what I’m going through?
Is there something wrong with me that I can’t be grateful for what I have?
I speak from experience – only the person who asked “Why are you depressed when there are people worse off than you?” wasn’t a relative, or a friend.
It was me.
When really, the simple answer is the most difficult to keep in mind. That no two situations or circumstances are completely the same. No, I don’t face the same battles as the next person. Their situation could be more difficult / less difficult that mine. But what good does it to to compare? Does it serve to make yourself feel better, or worse? Do you come off looking like the bad guy, or the martyred saint?
I still compare myself to people. People I’ve known from highschool, primary school (thank you Facebook :/ ). Are they married? Do they travel? Do they have a successful career? It’s so automatic for me, and so natural for me to find myself coming off the worse person. It’s fruitless and disheartening.
Then something major happens, like the earthquake in Haiti and even though I know in my heart that I shouldn’t compare I do. Am I a horrible person that I am still so down, when I have much to be grateful for?
I don’t know, now I feel like I’m talking myself in circles :/
Awesome EM !! *HUGS* keep up the great work !!!
OH, and absolutely not, you could never be a horrible person. You are a beautiful person, an artist, a prolific writer and a romantic, anyone who thinks otherwise can take that up with me <3
You are not horrible! Accepting where you are at and acknowledging it is important, as is recognising the good stuff. You are an intelligent, articulate, spirited, loving and clever young woman!
Lots of us do the comparison thing Em! Funny that we almost always come off second best when we do and yet we still do it. One counsellor friend of mine describes this as ‘pissing on yourself’. Recognising the things we appreciate and are grateful for is a great way to encourage the positives in your life. I try to make note of at least three positives in each and every day…things I am grateful for, including things about myself or my day that I feel I have done ok on. This takes practice as I am such a good critic of myself!
More *hugs* from me and I look forward to you next installment.
Meg you are in no way a horrible person!!!!!!!!!!
The situation in Haiti is absolutely devastating and it brings me to tears when I watch the news or look at pics in the paper and read the articles. It does make you realise how lucky we are. There are heaps of people worse off than me. Yet i’m sitting here, on my computer, under my roof, clothed, well fed and watered still wallowing in my own problems and dwelling on all the shit that brings me down. We all compare.
We are only human.
Atleast you have the compassion and empathy to think these things. There are arseholes out there who couldn’t give a fuck. I’d love for you to meet a person I know who has none of these qualities what so ever and you would truly see what a brilliant caring person you are.
I compare myself to you and others and come off second best too! I think we all do that at times. I’m very lucky, I know that, but there are alot of dreams that I will never get to fulfill. I envy where you are in your life meg. You have the whole world at your feet with an awesome adventure awaiting you! I started my journey to now at 17. I wouldn’t change anything but i still always wonder what may have been.
You are beautiful, talented, artistic, creative, caring, compassionate etc etc. I can see all these things by reading your blogs, not by even knowing you very well. You are not a horrible person.
You bring out a spirit in me a didn’t know I actually had and for that I’m very grateful. Thanks meg! We can try and be more positive together ;O)
Thank you so much everyone.
I feel so unworthy of the support / outpouring of feeling I am getting from people.
I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am xx