Updates From The Edge
I’m so ashamed, I’ve just let everything get to me.
I feel like a shell. I have zero confidence in my ability to even go forward with anything, let alone something as monumentous as emscharitykiss.
I’ve had lovely people helping me, and tons of support. But maybe I was the wrong girl for it all along? Maybe if it had been someone else it would have worked out better?
I’ve been scared to update on here, scared to check my follower list. I saw people unfollowing me and wanted to cry and hide again, because it’s easier to ignore it than face the fact that I let it all get to me.
I haven’t even kept up with what Robert Pattinson has been up to. I heard about @theEllenShow thing with the fan called Megan from Melbourne, and that made me feel sad and sorry for myself. At this point though, I feel so shit that even if he turned around and said “Yes, I’ll do it” I don’t even think I could.
As far as depression and mental illness goes – I live with these issues every day. They have been and are always the focus. I can’t escape it. Things now are pretty low, and I know I tend to say that a lot. But now I really feel like the lingering drive in me to prove people wrong has just fizzled out.
I don’t know what to do. It obviously takes a braver person than I to stick to something like this.
Hey Megan, i’m sorry to hear you are so down at the moment. I really hope you understand that you have done so much so far. Whether or not you decide to keep Em’s Charity Kiss going, you should realise that you have achieved so much!! :)
There’s no such thing as “the wrong girl”, you were the person who came up with the idea and have followed it through – that takes real guts and determination. Plus there is no finishing line with stuff like this – I know what the best outcome would have been, but the fact that the best case scenario hasn’t happened doesn’t mean that this was all a waste. You HAVE stuck to Em’s Charity Kiss, and you get to decide when and what you do next. This has nothing to do with being brave! And YOU are brave, i really wish you could see it.
I know it’s easy to say but I hope that you can view this with more importance than the “negative aspects” such as people unfollowing you – there is countless reasons for that which probably have nothing to do with you and are completely unrelated. In any case none of that matters, what other people think. Be proud of yourself and Em’s Charity Kiss, i am really proud of ya missie :)
em,
i think what you are doing is so brave and amazing. i’ve suffered from depression for about 10 years also and i know how debilitating it can be, especially to one’s self-confidence. i feel like that’s the cruelest part of depression — it takes so much strength to keep pushing through when you feel hopeless yet those of us who get depressed often feel “weak.” i’m going to buy some of your lip gloss when i get home — the packaging is super cute!
robert pattinson would be lucky to kiss such a brave and outstanding person as yourself. and, if it’s not him, i hope whoever you do share your first kiss with appreciates everything you’ve accomplished and what a great example you are setting.
alice